Emotional Support (and the lack thereof)

It’s been years since I’ve posted anything and I have no idea what’s making me write a post now.

Right now I’m going through a particularly bad time.  I had open heart surgery about three months ago and my younger daughter came up from Las Vegas for a month to help out and I can’t stress how much I appreciate it.

But now I’m all alone.  There’s nobody in my life that I can count on to be there for me.  I’m pretty much alone.  Right now I’m fortunate enough to have somebody to clean my place once a week, but it’s not nearly enough for somebody with severe clinical depression.

This brings up a big problem with this:  There are very few people who are willing to spend time with somebody who suffers from severe clinical depression.  I can certainly understand why and I don’t fault anybody for not wanting to spend time with me.  But I sure wish I had some type of emotional support to help me through the tough times.  I don’t have the energy to get up and do things by myself, I overeat and the foods I eat are not exactly healthy.

I’m at a loss as to what to do.  I often wish I were dead or had the guts to kill myself.  I won’t kill myself because I don’t want people I love to deal with the fallout of that.